Forgiveness is just another name for freedom.” -Byron Katie
A more peaceful way to live is to decide consciously which battles are worth fighting and which are better left alone. But often we all have fought and sometimes they become unpleasant, unpleasant enough that we lose all our interest to make it up. Let’s be honest, we all have been in in this situation, once or more.
If you have that puffy eyes today, maybe because of the tears you shed last night or because you could not sleep the entire night. Maybe this article would help you out in many ways.
Truly speaking no relation be it any, is complete without fights so the first thing that one should accept deliberately that when there are two people in love, they are bound to clash because they know about each other more than anyone else. Maybe it’s something because of pint-size miscommunications, or an enduring dispute, or a dissimilarity in an opinion that caused a fight. No two people think the same, no matter how much you have in common.
But if the fights are over same topics often, then it’s a sign that both of them find must ways to solve it and not bury the pain within. Take an easy step, go forth and communicate the differences and be honest. Try getting to the roots of the problem. Yes, you may have tried it many times and many of us do feel that the other person would never understand, but you too have to understand that for better days you will have to make them understand in your level. Moreover, we don’t live in a vacuum. We have thoughts and feelings that can be confusing. We have our own set of opinions; not necessarily other people too or should consent with yours.
Some of the things you should never do to solve a fight:
Give them the taste of their medicine: Yes they may be wrong but you are no less if you decide to do that. Rise up, forgive and find better ways to solve it. Tit for Tat would never give good results.
Never have personal attacks: Personal attacks can be far more damaging and long-lasting. Instead, talk about the behaviour of your loved one that upsets you.
Blame game: ‘We’ fight and not ‘I’ fight. So do not blame another person for the fight. It is time to sort out.
Stop talking altogether: We all feel bad to the extent we do not feel like talking to each other. However difficult it may seem but tell your partner you need time before you stop talking to them. I am sure they would comprehend this.
Probable ways of overcoming bad fight:
Meet the person: Even if we feel mad at each other, meeting them is very important. Looking at each other would make you feel the love you two still have so much imbibed in you. Break the ice and talk. If you find talking difficult, write a letter of apology and post it or write an email. Communication is better than misunderstandings.
Confront empathetically and clearly instead of shouting: Prefer being calm and listen to them instead of shouting. Show them you understand what they are up to, what is causing them pain, and they’ll be willing to see your side. This way you can express yourself more clearly and empathetically.
Take responsibility : This is something brave, you accept your faults and vow not to repeat them. Take the responsibility to solve the fight instead of dragging it for days together. I am sure both of them are not happy in the cold moods of each other. Initiate and sort out. Take responsibility to bring happiness. Acceptance always makes you great, you don’t fall in the eyes of your partner, you gain respect when you do.
Love the other more : Inquire about their health, Bring them out of the depression they must be undergoing because of the fight, hug them and say how much you have missed them after the fight. Your partner deserves to be loved and respected come what may. No one is perfect, right? So why don’t we make the feelings perfect!
Be humble and sort out : Stay calm, be a good listener when you sort out. Listen to your partner and also see that you two do not catch up a new fight amidst the sorting out process. Understand and make them understand things. There’s nothing better than a lovely hug at such times. This is the time to be the coolest and most understanding person ever.
Make a list : Though it is not something related to your office, I am sure this is more important. Make a list of their wishes or their expectations from you, maybe related to your attitude or behaviour and try to follow them. It makes you a better person, accept things where you feel you are wrong, work upon it.
Do not fight for few months: How is this possible? Yes, it is. Even if something troubles you, take deep breaths and do not fight for it. Prefer having a mutual discussion about it. Not fighting would not come overnight but practice for it especially when fights have become a routine. Make love a routine and keep fights for occasions. Life is too short, make happy memories.
“Rooth ke humse kabhi jab chale jaoge tum, ye na socha tha kabhi itne yaad aaoge tum…”
Spread love and it would come back to you, soon. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself and the one you love is let go the differences and give yourself a permission to smile.
If your partner is beside you while you are reading this, close this, it’s time to make up after the fight. You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.