You heard people saying “Time heals everything” and “Everything happens for something good”, bullshit. People are dating at the ripe old age of 12 and you are still alone, waiting for someone to fall in love with you. Well it may happen, it may(will) not. What can happen is we can improve our today by how we behave socially, so why not start with shopping? Buying things for one could be tough especially when you are single and worse when you have recently broken up and you have lost all your friends while you were busy giving her time and making her realise she is above everyone else. So here are few tips that will make you a shopping pro in no time.
- Use a shopping cart instead of a hand basket.
Picking up a hand basket makes you look single because remember, “you are not single, you have to pretend you are shopping for her too.”
- Buy things in excess.
Make sure you include gulabari, cleansing milk, foot scrub exfoliate with Shea butter. These are the things the fairer sex like to stick in their bathrooms to the detriment of the world’s water supply. Give us a toothbrush and some soap and we’re good. It’s a woman’s need for excess and you can use that as a weapon to prove you are not single.
- Buy healthy and cheap vegetables.
Women like to eat healthy, make sure to include vegetables like Dried lentils, Canned salmon, Carrots in your cart. You can anytime throw them in the dustbin when you reach home and can grab that delicious piece of food you left in the fridge.
- Take two buckets of ice cream.
And tell people “it’s for my girlfriend”. Even if you are too proud being single, don’t forget you are foody.
- Talk on phone loudly.
As if you are double checking your shopping list with someone. Make it look convincing and don’t hesitate to break the phone if it suddenly rings while you are talking.
- Remember, girls are more attracted to guys who seem less single.
If you happen to encounter a hot girl shopping alone (which in ideal case you won’t), take out your cellphone, dial 121 and start talking romantic while the recorded voice is asking you to press one for ‘Marathi’.
- Frozen paneer makes a delicious meal for two….two meals for you.
Your partner may be gone but your dignity doesn’t have to be, and with these shopping tips you will be able to hold your head up high and keep pretending the way you did when you were committed. (Or just get over this stupid feeling and move on).