“A man’s errors are his portals of discovery.” -James Joyce
“A man’s errors are his portals of discovery.”
We all have heard this phrase “Success is not final, failure is not fatal.” People tend to talk about success more, nobody talks about defeat, how being a failure feels, how actually fatal it might just turn out to be if not managed properly. We have great influential people talking about Success, how they achieved what they once dreamt of, do we ever get to know how they faced a collapse? How they turned their failure into such huge success? Of course, nobody is successful since their very kick-start, no they are not! Every, and I mean every victorious man in this world have seen a disaster in their lives more than once. It is never discussed and it’s time we enunciate the same. Is your situation a cause to give up or is it motivation to keep pressing forward?
In a state of failure, a man goes through some certain stages or say, phases. It is very essential for him to reach out till the very last phase in order to turn his defeat into an immense positive outcome. It is very relatable and I’m sure every one of us can visualize ourselves in either one of the phases (or even more than one) while facing failure. I have tried to summarize the whole experience in seven different phases.
PHASE ONE: DISSENT
Looking at our failure, we are in denial; we don’t accept that we have fallen. This disagreement within us can cause an emotional breakout- a state that once gotten into is very tough to get through. So if we ever face a fallout, we always disagree to it causing us to go through the second stage.
PHASE TWO: CONFUSION
This denial among ourselves causes us to go through a state of confusion. Since we believed we would be having favorable results, we don’t accord to our failure baffling us into ‘what to do now?’ This confusion makes us criticize our own capabilities and we tend to lose our faith. Some of the light-hearted get off their tracks in this stage only and they never try to go further.
PHASE THREE: ANGER
“Confusion creates anger.” Even though we didn’t give up in the above stage, we now feel displeasure about our defeat; an outrage takes over our minds causing us to forget about our goals in life. This anger if dealt in the wrong way can have grave consequences. The temper can make a whole lot of people give up and never ever try and sadly, many of us somehow fall for this trap and never cope, instead it goes deeper and deeper.
This is the time where failure might start turning out to be fatal for some.
PHASE FOUR: DEPRESSION
On realizing our fall out, we tend towards thinking of ourselves as losers. We start to criticize ourselves and pinpoint every mistake we have ever made. This leads to a huge disappointment in our lives which in turn becomes saddening. This ferocious blend of sadness, anger, disappointment and cast down, distress, displeasure, defeat, and frustration becomes a state of depression. An ill wrecking ball that will shatter your life into pieces and will watch you drown slowly.
A phase if not gone through timely and in a positive manner can become and has miserably become a cause of death for many. Just remember, “A positive attitude gives you power over your circumstances instead of your circumstances having power over you.”
PHASE FIVE: NEGOTIATION
This phase helps to cope up with distress and the feeling of disappointment. You negotiate your failure. You see what all mistakes you made, what chances you took, what chances you could have taken, what could be done, what should have been done. This whole exercise of negotiating and elaborating your mistakes can give you some peace of mind. You will eventually realize that yes there were some mistakes on your part, or a lesser effort you made, or low level of confidence, or fewer compromises you made to achieve your goal, or just sometimes, SOMETIMES, misfortune.
And, if its misfortune, you cannot blame it, so don’t! It happens with everyone, you are not alone. So, try to see what your fault was and start working on it.
PHASE SIX: ACCEPTANCE
So now you have bargained with your failure/ half success/ mistakes/ defeat. Now is the time to really let it go, just surrender it, let lose. Think it like this- “Can anything be done about it now?”
Acceptance is one of the most extraordinary things a wise man does with whatever happens with him. The earlier you accept it, the more time you will have to redo it. It’s all about accepting everything that life throws at you and making the best out of it.
My father once told me “Life is like a cricket match, don’t think of the balls that are gone, think of the next ball and hit a six!”
PHASE SEVEN: MOVING FORWARD
If you’re at this particular stage, then you are the closest at seizing your success. You are moving forward and letting go of the defeat you once faced. Just try this out, close your eyes, take a deep breath, let it all out, that very little amount of the anger and sadness clinging onto you because of the harsh clash you faced. And just smile at it because you know how to command your debacle into victory.
There is a slight difference between failing and being a failure. Failing is not dreadful, everybody, yes EVERYBODY has and will fail at least once. It’s being a failure that is fatal. Take everything constructively, be filled with zeal and look forward to the next ball that your life throws at you.
And hit a six this time!
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” ~Samuel Beckett
Woman jumping hurdles image via Shutterstock