Vivek PrasadThe Evolution:
In the midst of an era where people are in a dilemma about how to look cooler on the social network, a particular breed of human is coming into existence called, “A Classy Indian“.
There is this kind of human beings who are fortunate enough to have ‘Private’ Education, a well paid White Collar Jobs and are typically found in urban areas. Classy Indian’s are the best form of humanity that ever came into existence since the evolution of mankind.
They have magical powers to tell everything about the other person just by the way they look or speak English, because let’s face it-“Mah lyf, mah rulez“.
Meeting and Analyzing Them:
1. Commuting : No AC? Are you kidding me?
Classy Indian’s commute daily by an Ola/Uber at ‘2x surge pricing’ but they are humble enough to express their disappointment about the local train’s ‘1.50Rs’ fare hike. After all its their ‘duty’ towards the society and to rebel against such a fascist fare hike.
2. Terrorism : Oh, That should be stopped but on Facebook
They are against terrorism and often confuses religion with it. When something bad happens in the society they never fail to change the profile picture of his Facebook to the flag filter Facebook rolls out to support the country.
3. Racism : I am not a black, anyway.
They debate openly about racism, while its a different fact that they find every single people speaking in a Bihari/South Indian/Delhi tone ‘annoying‘ as they ‘lack class‘ according to them.
4. Respect Women : Please dude.
They are also against disrespect towards women and during their social media debate they abuse thousands of men calling them motherfu*** and other fancy English abusive related to women. They learned it from American Pie, an English movie they saw during their childhood. Abusing in Hindi is way too downmarket for them.
5. Futuristic : Because ‘We’ are the future.
They do not know ‘Who is the President of India(or pretend not to), but they are a lot worried as what will be the future of America if Donald Trump is elected in the upcoming presidential elections.
6. Gadget Geek : I cannot exist without them, you better know this
They own an expensive iPhone. They know they just use their phones for WhatsApp, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter and receiving incoming calls but getting an Android phone is too Indian for them. They are happy about their iPhone and claim they are not using it for showoff. They have a transparent cover on their iPhone with a circular cutout near the apple logo. Their ‘Phones’ are smart..so are they.
7. Debate : Because, “Freedom of Speech” is the ‘in’ thing.
They debate openly about issues that matter public interest. They know they are educated hence they are always right with their own voice in their head, all others are just dumb. They tell whatever they want to and want to have an opinion on everything. Credibility of their facts don’t matter to them because they received the same facts by a chain message on WhatsApp and they should hence, stand by it. They call it “Freedom of Speech”, they read about it in Facebook itself that Indian Constitution provides such a liberty. Why should they ‘ever’ read the Indian constitution, they ‘hate politics’, it is too dirty for all the time hand sanitizer users. Several other people from their office who are cooler than them has “I hate Politics” on their Facebook profile, hence they must abide by this ‘Golden Rule‘.
8. Corruption : When the hell is this getting over?
Their latest concern is corruption because their beau told something about it. They too read something or the other about it on ‘Facebook’ and wants to have an opinion too. They start talking about it on the social network, they wear a white topi and start revolting against corruption at the Jantar Mantar, they also never forget to take candles along with them. They started giving their opinions publicly and started gaining followers on Twitter. In their public speech they blame ‘the system’, ‘the Constitution’ and ‘the Government’. One of their friends became a Chief Minister ‘just’ by talking about corruption. They too want to make the change by talking about problems.
9. Swachh Bharat Abhiyan
All of a sudden they get to know about the “Swachh Bharat Abhiyan.” They feel extreme patriotism so they immediately pick up a broom, asks friends to click their photos and they post the same on Facebook. They threw the packet of chips they ate, the cigarette they just took a puff from on the streets and head home. Phew! Job done for the day.
10. Helping the Needy and Poor
They would celebrate their birthdays and distribute sweets among the children at orphanage. Post pictures on Facebook with a description ‘Happiness is helping poor kids’. They would never come back to that orphanage and the moment they come out they would say “it is was an awful place man, We need some ‘fresh’ air”.
11. Old Age Home Visit
Children now a days are so bad, they never allow their own parents to stay with them. Our Classy Indian community pays a to visit old age homes, pose pictures, make a Facebook group, promising to help these old people. Few years later, they would send their own parents to such homes.. Why? They are old, old generation, our thinking do not match with them. We do not get time, We are too stressed to take care of them.
Such is the hypocrisy of the ‘A Classy Indian’.
Conclusion:
Don’t be them.
Last but not the least, here’s a dedication to many such Classy Indian’s from Sudh Desi Gaane