Scream out loud, fight! Yes, you read it right. I am a girl who love peace, given a choice I would let go and never pick an argument. But the consequences? I felt broke and left out at times I could never fight for things that hurt me badly. People took me for granted and I could never give them back. People said things about me and I absorbed those words in me.
It is good to be absorbent and remain silent at times, but not always. I remember my Grandma telling me that one’s ability to control one’s anger separates a man from being an animal. Sorry, grandma your era was different, I beg to differ today. I agree I was stupid for not speaking my heart.
Even if we are wrong at times, fight is something that can work like a responsive pressure-relief system, helping you to re-establish emotional balance. Fights with the one we love are truly different, because the purpose of the fight is different. “In the ‘outside world,’ it’s all about winning and losing”. But that’s not the case when you are fighting with the one you love. Here, the purpose is more often to blow off the steam and/or to express an emotion—even if you don’t know quite what that emotion is or what’s behind your need to emote. When faced with someone who is clearly upset, and using anger to show that they do not agree with our point of view, belief, or behaviour – it becomes obvious that they are their own person. Sometimes it is hard to recognize them at all as they tend to show an entirely different personality we were unaware of. It can really be be a scary sight but once the cloud clears, there can be a deeper conversation of what happened and how to overcome such situations.
People fear they would lose their loved one’s when they show their anger, instead you are cheating on them if you do not tell them what makes you angry. Although fighting is never fun or nice when you’re in the middle of it, the outcome can be positive. In the midst of a fight you’re miserable. In a way, it’s like exercising. Is working out always fun? No. But it deals with your weak spots. Scream, shout and let your partner do the same. This way you will respect the feelings of others; also you speak your heart out, your deepest thoughts with your partner in the process. Isn’t it great?
We all know the rules about “How to Fight Fair”: Stick to the Point; Discuss One Issue at a Time; Don’t Bring up the Past. Never! The only rules for an argument are no hitting, and no throwing objects directly at your partner. But go ahead and slam doors, make noise, shout obscenities—whatever it takes to get the job done. And remember, the most productive fights occur when both of you abandon the idea of winning or losing. Never go to bed mad; stay up and fight! Stay up until 3am if that’s what it takes. You had stayed up late flirting with the same guy/girl in the past, why not today?
You know that fighting can’t be all bad, because making up is such a pleasure! If releasing repressed emotions and getting at deep-seated issues aren’t enough motivation to groom your arguing skills, consider this: Make-up sex (checkout whether the door is locked 😀 ) Looking for innovative ways to make up after the smoke clears? Try one (or more) of these suggestions:
Don’t just say, do something different to say you are sorry.
Try humor, write him/her a poem. Checkout the poem section of this website if you want some. Believe me there are plenty of them mostly written after a fight (wink).
- Enough of meeting him/her?
You would get to meet yourself when you are angry. Isn’t it important to know yourself? Certainly yes!
- Letting go things.
Yes, fighting isn’t about anger, it is also about letting go things. Surprise your partner by not being angry that used to piss you off earlier, “Rahe halke halke, ye dil chalke chalke jo kisse hai kal ke bhula de tu..”
- Turn the fight around.
Use the same emotional-release skills you practised in the argument to communicate passion. Were you thinking that she looks sexy when she’s angry? After the spat, say so—passionately.
- Laughter at things you said or did while you both were angry.
It is a fact that we all would surely laugh on the things we fight upon many of them being silly and pointless. When we would recall them, i promise it would be a hilarious moment. So, think of tomorrow and don’t prevent a fight.
I am sure the list would go on and on. Fight for yourself, fight for a good cause because no one else is going to fight for you. Speak your heart out because no one but you know yourself.